Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
