my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
