I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
