Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
