Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
