we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
