I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
