If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
