just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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