dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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