somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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