I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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