Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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