if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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