The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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