I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a burrito and a hug.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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