Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
