and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
