we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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