i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just blew my weed a kiss
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
