worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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