you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
