don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
