some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
