My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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