I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
