i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
