She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize