I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
