Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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