so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
