I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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