weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
