Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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