i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How does one acquire holy water?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
