I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
