That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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