My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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