I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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