Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
