White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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