Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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