So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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