I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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