Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
