the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
