my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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