We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
