remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Someone shit on the floor
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
