So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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