Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
