He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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