i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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