She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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