Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
