im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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