and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love accidental penises.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
