Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
