first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
