The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
