my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
