She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
