Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
