I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
