her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
