we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
