i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
