ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
