Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
