I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
