your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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