Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
