just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
