Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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