If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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